banging my head slowly (a term usually reserved for work)

I have not edited any of this "conversation" although it is very similar to conversations I have with kindergarten students at work.

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Please wait for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order.
Thank you for your patience!A Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist has joined the chat.

You are now chatting with Nolan

Nolan: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?

You: I'm trying to figure out what phone to get next. I currently have a chocolate, which I hate.

You: So really, anything would be a step up from that.

Nolan: Are you an existing Verizon Wireless customer?

You: Yes, I am

Nolan: Are you logged into "My Verizon" with your username and password?

You: I would love to have visual voicemail, a phone with a good camera, and an easy to access speaker phone button for when I'm driving in dc.

You: Yes, I am logged in

Nolan: OKay now click my verizon then overview

You: Do you have any phones you can recommend that have those items? I know I'm up for my 'new in 2' but I don't want to be stuck with a phone like the chocolate again.

Nolan: Yes. Is there any discounted price listed?

You: ???? I don't have a phone picked out yet. I just want some recommendations

Nolan: Okay once you log in we can see whats available on your current plan

Nolan: I have not heard from you for a few moments. Would you like me to keep this chat session open for you?

You: I'm logged in- I have a $50 credit for any phone.

Nolan: Great! What is your new every two date?

You: 4/13/09

Nolan: Great! What is your mobile number?

You: I just want advice on a phone- I might not be ready to get it yet!!

You: I'm just looking.

Nolan: Thank you for visiting Verizon Wireless, I look forward to speaking with you again. Have a great day!

Your chat session has been ended by your Verizon Wireless online agent.

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Maybe I'm missing something. I just wanted advice. Why wouldn't he tell me the phone options I have?

Meanwhile, if anyone has any advice on a phone I'd love it- my priorities are: 1) Good, easy to use speaker phone so when I'm driving in DC I don't have to push a lot of buttons to communicate with Peter. 2) Camera (3.0 would be nice). 3) Visual voicemail

Lost Vineyards should stay that way

We always want to find nice, cheap wines. Sometimes, though, that quest leads only to sadness and disaster. Especially when Rachel Ray is involved.

A few weeks ago at Harris Teeter, there was a display of mediocre-looking wines listed at 3/$10. That's a steal! These were Trader Joe prices at the Teeter. The Lost Vineyards collection features wines from Portugal, Brazil, and Argentina. They're all blends - two reds and a white - and I think the thought behind it is that these growers took all their left-over grapes and blended them together to create these three.

The radical blending worried me, I think that Trader Joe's delicious wines follow a similar protocol for blending excess grapes from California, so that put me at ease a bit. Plus, there was a sign above the shoddily put-together display case showing how Rachel Ray endorsed them. Why would she lead us astray? After all, her reputation is on the line, right? She makes a living by telling people what's delicious. Clearly, this was delicious.

Rachel Ray was wrong, and so was I to believe her. The white has all the character of that creepy guy you don't want to sit next to on the bus. The one red I did open - the one from Argentina - was bad on day one, not awful on day two after a little air had hit it, and on day four had turned to vinegar and left me sprinting to the sink to spit it out.

Recommendation: do not buy Lost Vineyards, and don't believe anything Rachel Ray says.